diff --git a/.forgejo/workflows/android.yml b/.forgejo/workflows/android.yml
index ab86392..dfe0f68 100644
--- a/.forgejo/workflows/android.yml
+++ b/.forgejo/workflows/android.yml
@@ -173,6 +173,41 @@ jobs:
           apksigner="$(ls /opt/android-sdk/build-tools/*/apksigner | head -1)"
           "$apksigner" verify --print-certs "app/build/outputs/apk/release/app-release.apk"
 
+      # Staged with a STABLE name plus the sidecar the server reads its version
+      # out of — an APK keeps that in a binary manifest Python cannot parse, and
+      # `aapt` is not on a Quart server. Computed here, where the real values are
+      # already known.
+      - name: Stage the client for distribution
+        if: steps.build.outputs.keystore != ''
+        run: |
+          mkdir -p dist
+          cp "app/build/outputs/apk/release/app-release.apk" dist/thoughtsync.apk
+          size="$(wc -c < dist/thoughtsync.apk | tr -d ' ')"
+          sha="$(sha256sum dist/thoughtsync.apk | cut -d' ' -f1)"
+          cat > dist/thoughtsync-android.json <<JSON
+          {
+            "version_name": "${{ steps.build.outputs.name }}",
+            "version_code": ${{ steps.build.outputs.code }},
+            "size": $size,
+            "sha256": "$sha"
+          }
+          JSON
+          cat dist/thoughtsync-android.json
+
+      # The rolling dev channel, same fixed-tag release the desktop bundles use.
+      # CI artifacts are per-run and auth-gated, so they are no use as a fetch
+      # target; a release asset has a permanent URL. Only ever a SIGNED build —
+      # publishing an unsigned APK would offer people something they cannot
+      # install over what they already have.
+      - name: Publish to the dev channel
+        if: github.ref == 'refs/heads/dev' && steps.build.outputs.keystore != ''
+        working-directory: .
+        env:
+          GITHUB_TOKEN: ${{ github.token }}
+          RELEASE_TAG: dev
+          RELEASE_PRERELEASE: "true"
+        run: bash desktop/packaging/publish-release.sh
+
       - name: Upload the APK
         # Mirrored action, never actions/upload-artifact. @v4+ throws
         # GHESNotSupportedError client-side on this hostname, and @v3 is worse —
diff --git a/desktop/packaging/publish-release.sh b/desktop/packaging/publish-release.sh
index 06638a6..f3b18f2 100755
--- a/desktop/packaging/publish-release.sh
+++ b/desktop/packaging/publish-release.sh
@@ -58,6 +58,12 @@ shopt -s nullglob
 # its signature is one the app will refuse, so they ship together or not at all.
 # They only exist when the build ran with a signing key (M10.9); nullglob drops
 # them silently otherwise, which is the correct behaviour for an unsigned build.
+# The Android client publishes here too, from its own job and its own workspace
+# — the same nullglob arrangement that already lets the Linux and Windows jobs
+# share one release. Its two files are staged under android/dist by the workflow:
+# a STABLY NAMED apk (a fixed name is the whole point of the fixed `dev` tag —
+# Forgejo has no /releases/latest/download route) and the sidecar the server reads
+# its version out of, because an APK keeps that in a binary manifest.
 ASSETS=(
   "$BUNDLE_ROOT"/appimage/*.AppImage
   "$BUNDLE_ROOT"/appimage/*.AppImage.sig
@@ -65,9 +71,11 @@ ASSETS=(
   "$BUNDLE_ROOT"/arch/*.pkg.tar.*
   "$WIN_BUNDLE_ROOT"/nsis/*.exe
   "$WIN_BUNDLE_ROOT"/nsis/*.exe.sig
+  "$REPO_ROOT"/android/dist/thoughtsync.apk
+  "$REPO_ROOT"/android/dist/thoughtsync-android.json
 )
 if [ ${#ASSETS[@]} -eq 0 ]; then
-  echo "ERROR: no bundles under $BUNDLE_ROOT — did the tauri build run?" >&2
+  echo "ERROR: nothing to publish — no desktop bundles under $BUNDLE_ROOT and no APK under $REPO_ROOT/android/dist." >&2
   exit 1
 fi
 echo "==> Publishing release $TAG with ${#ASSETS[@]} asset(s):"
@@ -113,7 +121,7 @@ fi
 echo "==> Creating release for $TAG"
 BODY=$(cat <<JSON
 {"tag_name":"$TAG","name":"ThoughtSync $TAG","draft":false,"prerelease":$RELEASE_PRERELEASE,
- "body":"ThoughtSync desktop $TAG.\n\n- **Debian / Ubuntu** — native \`.deb\`\n- **Arch / CachyOS** — native \`.pkg.tar.*\`\n- **everything else** — \`.AppImage\` (de-bundled graphics: renders on any GPU/Wayland setup)\n\nInstall / update — picks the right one for your system:\n\`\`\`\ncurl -fsSL $GITHUB_SERVER_URL/$GITHUB_REPOSITORY/raw/branch/dev/desktop/packaging/install.sh | $INSTALL_TAIL\n\`\`\`$CHANNEL_NOTE"}
+ "body":"ThoughtSync $TAG.\n\n**Desktop**\n\n- **Debian / Ubuntu** — native \`.deb\`\n- **Arch / CachyOS** — native \`.pkg.tar.*\`\n- **everything else** — \`.AppImage\` (de-bundled graphics: renders on any GPU/Wayland setup)\n\nInstall / update — picks the right one for your system:\n\`\`\`\ncurl -fsSL $GITHUB_SERVER_URL/$GITHUB_REPOSITORY/raw/branch/dev/desktop/packaging/install.sh | $INSTALL_TAIL\n\`\`\`\n\n**Android** — \`thoughtsync.apk\`. Copy it and \`thoughtsync-android.json\` into your server's \`/var/thoughtsync/client/\` and the server will offer it to your devices; see docs/android-distribution.md.$CHANNEL_NOTE"}
 JSON
 )
 # 409 = a release for this tag already exists (re-run) — fall through to lookup.
diff --git a/docs/android-distribution.md b/docs/android-distribution.md
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..0554c20
--- /dev/null
+++ b/docs/android-distribution.md
@@ -0,0 +1,82 @@
+# Getting the Android app onto your server
+
+ThoughtSync's server hands out the Android client it syncs with. Once an APK is in
+place, anyone with an account on that server can download it from **Account →
+Linked devices**, and linked phones can update themselves from it.
+
+This is deliberate rather than incidental. The build is not on an app store and the
+Fabled-Git instance is private, so a release page is no use to a self-hoster — but
+the server holding their notes is something they already trust and already reach.
+It also keeps the two in step: client and server negotiate a sync protocol version
+before linking, so a server that serves the client cannot hand out a phone it
+cannot talk to.
+
+## Where it goes
+
+Two files, both required, in `/var/thoughtsync/client/`:
+
+| File | What it is |
+| --- | --- |
+| `thoughtsync.apk` | the client |
+| `thoughtsync-android.json` | `{version_name, version_code, size, sha256}` |
+
+The sidecar exists because an APK keeps its version in a binary manifest that needs
+the Android build tools to read. CI writes it beside the APK, where the real values
+are already known.
+
+`/var/thoughtsync` is the same volume that holds attachments (`Config.DATA_DIR`),
+so a build dropped there survives container recreation. Nothing is baked into the
+image: the APK is ~55 MiB and an install that never touches Android should not
+carry it.
+
+## Putting a build there
+
+Both files are published to the rolling `dev` release on every green Android
+build. From the machine running the server:
+
+```sh
+REPO=https://git.fabledsword.com/bvandeusen/thoughtsync
+TOKEN=...   # a Fabled-Git token with read access; the instance is private
+
+for f in thoughtsync.apk thoughtsync-android.json; do
+  curl -fsSL -H "Authorization: token $TOKEN" \
+    -o "/tmp/$f" "$REPO/releases/download/dev/$f"
+done
+
+# Into the app container's volume. Copy the sidecar LAST: the server treats a
+# sidecar that does not match the APK beside it as "no client at all", so a
+# half-finished copy advertises nothing rather than advertising a lie.
+docker compose cp /tmp/thoughtsync.apk app:/var/thoughtsync/client/
+docker compose cp /tmp/thoughtsync-android.json app:/var/thoughtsync/client/
+```
+
+`docker compose cp` creates `/var/thoughtsync/client/` if it does not exist.
+
+## Checking it took
+
+```sh
+curl -s http://localhost:5000/api/client/android
+```
+
+A server with a client answers with the version, size and digest. A server without
+one answers `404` — and the download card in the web UI is hidden rather than
+offering a button that fails.
+
+## What happens if you get it wrong
+
+- **Only the APK, no sidecar** — the server reports no client. It cannot state a
+  version it has no way to read.
+- **Mismatched pair** (new APK, old sidecar) — the server reports no client,
+  because the recorded size does not match the file. It will not serve one build
+  while describing another.
+- **Neither** — the server reports no client, the UI hides the card, and
+  `/api/client/android` returns 404. This is the ordinary state of a server whose
+  owner does not use Android, and nothing about it is an error.
+
+## Signing, and why replacing the APK is safe
+
+Every release build is signed with the same key, so a phone can install a newer one
+straight over the old one and keep its notes. That was not true before August 2026
+— builds until then were signed with a throwaway key per CI run, and each install
+required uninstalling the last (Scribe #2803). If you are carrying a build from
+before that, expect to uninstall once more and sync anything you care about first.
diff --git a/frontend/src/stores/config.ts b/frontend/src/stores/config.ts
index 89aa88f..3a442c2 100644
--- a/frontend/src/stores/config.ts
+++ b/frontend/src/stores/config.ts
@@ -2,6 +2,17 @@ import { defineStore } from "pinia";
 import { ref } from "vue";
 import { repo } from "../adapters";
 
+// The Android build this server can hand out. Absent — not null — when it has
+// none, so `v-if` on it is the whole test; see client_dist.py.
+export interface AndroidClient {
+  version: string;
+  // What decides "is this newer". The name is for people and sorts like a string.
+  version_code: number;
+  size: number;
+  sha256: string;
+  url: string;
+}
+
 export interface PublicConfig {
   site_name: string;
   allow_registration: boolean;
@@ -9,6 +20,7 @@ export interface PublicConfig {
   enable_url_unfurl: boolean;
   // How many days a note survives in Trash before the server purges it. 0 = forever.
   trash_retention_days: number;
+  android_client?: AndroidClient;
 }
 
 // Public, unauthenticated app config (site name, whether signups are open).
@@ -21,6 +33,9 @@ export const useConfigStore = defineStore("config", () => {
   // unreachable — and 30 is a safer stand-in than 0, since claiming "kept forever"
   // when the server is actually purging is the wrong way to be wrong.
   const trashRetentionDays = ref(30);
+  // Null until proven otherwise: a server with no APK, and an older server that
+  // never had the field, both correctly show no download.
+  const androidClient = ref<AndroidClient | null>(null);
   const loaded = ref(false);
 
   async function load(): Promise<void> {
@@ -32,6 +47,7 @@ export const useConfigStore = defineStore("config", () => {
       version.value = cfg.version;
       enableUrlUnfurl.value = cfg.enable_url_unfurl ?? true;
       trashRetentionDays.value = cfg.trash_retention_days ?? 30;
+      androidClient.value = cfg.android_client ?? null;
     } catch {
       // Keep defaults if the config endpoint is unreachable.
     } finally {
@@ -44,5 +60,15 @@ export const useConfigStore = defineStore("config", () => {
     await load();
   }
 
-  return { siteName, allowRegistration, version, enableUrlUnfurl, trashRetentionDays, loaded, load, reload };
+  return {
+    siteName,
+    allowRegistration,
+    version,
+    enableUrlUnfurl,
+    trashRetentionDays,
+    androidClient,
+    loaded,
+    load,
+    reload,
+  };
 });
diff --git a/frontend/src/views/AccountView.vue b/frontend/src/views/AccountView.vue
index 304d24a..7d52853 100644
--- a/frontend/src/views/AccountView.vue
+++ b/frontend/src/views/AccountView.vue
@@ -1,5 +1,6 @@
 <script setup lang="ts">
 import { onMounted, ref } from "vue";
+import { useConfigStore } from "../stores/config";
 import { useDevicesStore } from "../stores/devices";
 import { useUiStore } from "../stores/ui";
 import BaseButton from "../components/BaseButton.vue";
@@ -11,6 +12,13 @@ import { isDesktop, desktop as desktopBridge, type IntegrationStatus } from "../
 // Android apps authenticate sync with a device bearer token issued here.
 const devices = useDevicesStore();
 const ui = useUiStore();
+// The Android build this server holds, if it holds one. Null on a server with no
+// APK — the card below is hidden rather than offering a download that 404s.
+const config = useConfigStore();
+
+function readableSize(bytes: number): string {
+  return `${(bytes / 1024 / 1024).toFixed(0)} MB`;
+}
 
 const error = ref("");
 const newName = ref("");
@@ -25,6 +33,7 @@ const desktopBusy = ref(false);
 async function load() {
   error.value = "";
   try {
+    await config.load();
     await devices.load();
   } catch {
     error.value = "Couldn't load your linked devices.";
@@ -151,6 +160,36 @@ onMounted(() => {
       </BaseButton>
     </section>
 
+    <!-- The Android client this server hands out (hidden when it has none) -->
+    <section
+      v-if="config.androidClient"
+      class="mb-6 flex items-center justify-between gap-4 rounded-xl border border-neutral-200 p-4 dark:border-neutral-800"
+    >
+      <div class="min-w-0">
+        <p class="text-sm font-medium text-neutral-800 dark:text-neutral-100">Android app</p>
+        <p class="mt-0.5 text-xs text-neutral-400">
+          Version {{ config.androidClient.version }} ·
+          {{ readableSize(config.androidClient.size) }} · served by this server, so it always
+          speaks the same sync protocol.
+        </p>
+      </div>
+      <!-- A plain anchor, not BaseButton and not a fetch: this is 55 MB, and the
+           browser's own download manager handles it better than anything this app
+           would do with a blob. Styled to match BaseButton's primary variant,
+           which is a <button> and cannot carry an href. -->
+      <a
+        :href="config.androidClient.url"
+        :download="`thoughtsync-${config.androidClient.version}.apk`"
+        class="inline-flex shrink-0 items-center justify-center gap-2 rounded-lg bg-brand px-4 py-2.5
+               text-sm font-semibold text-neutral-900 shadow-sm transition hover:bg-brand-600
+               active:bg-brand-700 focus:outline-none focus-visible:ring-2 focus-visible:ring-brand
+               focus-visible:ring-offset-2 focus-visible:ring-offset-neutral-50
+               dark:focus-visible:ring-offset-neutral-950"
+      >
+        Download
+      </a>
+    </section>
+
     <!-- One-time token reveal -->
     <div
       v-if="freshToken"
diff --git a/src/thoughtsync/app.py b/src/thoughtsync/app.py
index 495ea94..0919a90 100644
--- a/src/thoughtsync/app.py
+++ b/src/thoughtsync/app.py
@@ -12,6 +12,7 @@ from quart.sessions import SecureCookieSessionInterface
 
 from . import __version__
 from .auth import bp as auth_bp
+from .client_dist import advertisement as client_advertisement, bp as client_bp
 from .config import Config
 from .db import session_scope
 from .graph import bp as graph_bp
@@ -71,6 +72,7 @@ def create_app() -> Quart:
     app.register_blueprint(settings_bp)
     app.register_blueprint(sync_bp)
     app.register_blueprint(saved_filters_bp)
+    app.register_blueprint(client_bp)
 
     @app.before_serving
     async def _bootstrap() -> None:
@@ -113,6 +115,10 @@ def create_app() -> Quart:
         # linking — while it still has no token and possibly no account — to decide
         # whether it can talk to this server, and which optional features to offer.
         data.update(protocol_advertisement())
+        # Which Android client this server can hand out, if any. Absent rather than
+        # null when it has none, so the web UI hides the download instead of
+        # offering a button that 404s.
+        data.update(client_advertisement())
         return jsonify(data)
 
     @app.get("/", defaults={"path": ""})
diff --git a/src/thoughtsync/client_dist.py b/src/thoughtsync/client_dist.py
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..2aa481c
--- /dev/null
+++ b/src/thoughtsync/client_dist.py
@@ -0,0 +1,135 @@
+"""The server hands out the Android client it is in step with.
+
+## Why the server, and not a release page
+
+The Fabled-Git instance is private (issue 2091), so `install.sh` already cannot
+fetch for anyone but the operator — and a self-hoster should not need an account
+on someone else's forge to get the app for their own notes. The server they
+already trust with the notes is the obvious place to get the client from.
+
+It also keeps the two in step by construction. Client and server already
+negotiate a sync protocol version before linking, so a server that also serves
+the client cannot hand out a phone it is unable to talk to.
+
+## Where the file comes from
+
+`DATA_DIR/client/` — the same volume that already holds attachments, so an
+operator drops a build there once and container recreation does not lose it.
+Deliberately NOT baked into the image: that would charge ~55 MiB to every
+self-hoster, including everyone who never touches Android.
+
+Two files, and both must be present:
+
+- `thoughtsync.apk` — the client
+- `thoughtsync-android.json` — `{version_name, version_code, size, sha256}`
+
+The sidecar exists because an APK's version lives in a binary AXML manifest that
+Python cannot read without the Android build tools. CI writes it beside the APK
+at publish time, where the real values are already known.
+
+## Absence is normal
+
+A server with no APK advertises nothing, and the web UI hides the download
+rather than offering a button that 404s. Same for a mismatched pair: if the
+sidecar's recorded size does not match the file on disk, the two did not arrive
+together and the server says it has nothing rather than serving one build while
+describing another.
+"""
+
+from __future__ import annotations
+
+import json
+from pathlib import Path
+
+from quart import Blueprint, jsonify, send_from_directory
+
+from .auth import login_required
+from .config import Config
+
+APK_NAME = "thoughtsync.apk"
+MANIFEST_NAME = "thoughtsync-android.json"
+DOWNLOAD_PATH = "/api/client/android/download"
+APK_MIMETYPE = "application/vnd.android.package-archive"
+
+bp = Blueprint("client_dist", __name__)
+
+
+def android_release() -> dict | None:
+    """What Android build this server holds, or None if it holds none.
+
+    Never raises. A missing directory, an unreadable sidecar, malformed JSON and a
+    sidecar that describes a different file are all the same answer to the only
+    question being asked — "is there a client here I can honestly offer?" — and
+    that answer is no.
+    """
+    root = Path(Config.client_root())
+    apk = root / APK_NAME
+    try:
+        size = apk.stat().st_size
+        meta = json.loads((root / MANIFEST_NAME).read_text(encoding="utf-8"))
+        version = str(meta["version_name"])
+        code = int(meta["version_code"])
+        recorded = int(meta["size"])
+        digest = str(meta["sha256"])
+    except (OSError, ValueError, TypeError, KeyError):
+        return None
+
+    # The pair has to describe one build. A sidecar left behind by a previous
+    # release would otherwise advertise a version this server cannot serve, and the
+    # phone would download something other than what it was promised.
+    if recorded != size:
+        return None
+
+    return {
+        "version": version,
+        # What Android actually compares. `version` is for people; a name is a
+        # string and sorts like one, which is not how "is this newer" works.
+        "version_code": code,
+        "size": size,
+        # Computed by CI over the same bytes it uploaded, so a client can tell a
+        # truncated download from a complete one BEFORE handing it to the
+        # installer. Not a trust anchor — the signature is that.
+        "sha256": digest,
+        "url": DOWNLOAD_PATH,
+    }
+
+
+def advertisement() -> dict:
+    """The `/api/config` fragment describing this server's Android client.
+
+    An empty dict when there is none, so the key is ABSENT rather than null — a
+    client testing for the key gets one unambiguous answer instead of having to
+    distinguish "no client" from "old server that never had this field".
+    """
+    release = android_release()
+    return {"android_client": release} if release else {}
+
+
+@bp.get("/api/client/android")
+async def android_metadata():
+    """Version and digest without the 55 MiB. What an updater polls."""
+    release = android_release()
+    if release is None:
+        return jsonify({"error": "this server has no Android client"}), 404
+    return jsonify(release)
+
+
+@bp.get(DOWNLOAD_PATH)
+@login_required
+async def android_download():
+    """The APK itself.
+
+    Authenticated — by session cookie from a browser, or by device bearer token
+    from a client updating itself; `login_required` accepts either. The metadata
+    above is public because a client has to be able to ask "is there something
+    newer?" cheaply, but the bytes are not for anyone who can reach the port.
+    """
+    if android_release() is None:
+        return jsonify({"error": "this server has no Android client"}), 404
+    response = await send_from_directory(
+        Path(Config.client_root()), APK_NAME, mimetype=APK_MIMETYPE
+    )
+    # Without this some browsers try to render it, and Android's download handler
+    # wants a filename to hand to the package installer.
+    response.headers["Content-Disposition"] = f'attachment; filename="{APK_NAME}"'
+    return response
diff --git a/src/thoughtsync/config.py b/src/thoughtsync/config.py
index 1fcdc32..c2001fe 100644
--- a/src/thoughtsync/config.py
+++ b/src/thoughtsync/config.py
@@ -33,6 +33,17 @@ class Config:
     def media_root(cls) -> Path:
         return Path(cls.DATA_DIR) / "media"
 
+    @classmethod
+    def client_root(cls) -> Path:
+        """Where the Android APK this server hands out lives.
+
+        Under DATA_DIR rather than baked into the image: the APK is ~55 MiB and an
+        install that never touches Android should not carry it. Being on the same
+        mounted volume as uploads also means an operator drops a build there once
+        and container recreation does not lose it. See client_dist.py.
+        """
+        return Path(cls.DATA_DIR) / "client"
+
     @classmethod
     def secret_key_env(cls) -> str | None:
         """Optional break-glass override for the cookie-signing secret."""
diff --git a/tests/test_client_dist.py b/tests/test_client_dist.py
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..97ca76b
--- /dev/null
+++ b/tests/test_client_dist.py
@@ -0,0 +1,112 @@
+import json
+
+import pytest
+
+from thoughtsync.app import create_app
+from thoughtsync.client_dist import APK_NAME, MANIFEST_NAME, advertisement, android_release
+from thoughtsync.config import Config
+
+# DB-free, like the rest of this suite — the test lane runs no Postgres. That is
+# why the advertisement is asserted through `advertisement()` rather than through
+# `/api/config`: the route is a one-line merge of this dict into a payload whose
+# other half needs a database, and testing it here tests the part that can be wrong.
+#
+# The two routes below ARE exercised, because neither opens a session: the metadata
+# route only stats files, and the download's 401 is returned before any token
+# lookup.
+
+PAYLOAD = b"not really an apk, but the server only ever stats it"
+
+
+@pytest.fixture
+def app():
+    return create_app()
+
+
+def place_client(payload: bytes = PAYLOAD, **overrides) -> dict:
+    """Put a client + sidecar where the server looks. Overrides corrupt the pair."""
+    root = Config.client_root()
+    root.mkdir(parents=True, exist_ok=True)
+    (root / APK_NAME).write_bytes(payload)
+    meta = {
+        "version_name": "0.1.216",
+        "version_code": 216,
+        "size": len(payload),
+        "sha256": "ab" * 32,
+    }
+    meta.update(overrides)
+    (root / MANIFEST_NAME).write_text(json.dumps(meta), encoding="utf-8")
+    return meta
+
+
+def test_absent_client_is_advertised_as_nothing_at_all():
+    """The KEY is missing, not null.
+
+    A client testing for it then gets one unambiguous answer rather than having to
+    tell "this server has no APK" apart from "this server predates the feature".
+    """
+    assert android_release() is None
+    assert advertisement() == {}
+
+
+def test_a_present_client_is_advertised_with_what_android_compares():
+    place_client()
+    advertised = advertisement()["android_client"]
+    assert advertised["version"] == "0.1.216"
+    # The integer is what decides "is this newer", not the name — a name is a
+    # string and sorts like one.
+    assert advertised["version_code"] == 216
+    assert advertised["size"] == len(PAYLOAD)
+    assert advertised["url"].endswith("/download")
+
+
+def test_a_sidecar_describing_a_different_build_counts_as_no_client():
+    """The likeliest real corruption: a new APK copied over an old sidecar.
+
+    Serving one build while advertising another is worse than serving none — the
+    phone would compare versions against a promise the bytes do not keep.
+    """
+    place_client(size=999_999)
+    assert android_release() is None
+    assert advertisement() == {}
+
+
+def test_an_unreadable_sidecar_counts_as_no_client():
+    place_client()
+    (Config.client_root() / MANIFEST_NAME).write_text("{ this is not json", encoding="utf-8")
+    assert android_release() is None
+
+
+def test_a_sidecar_missing_a_field_counts_as_no_client():
+    root = Config.client_root()
+    root.mkdir(parents=True, exist_ok=True)
+    (root / APK_NAME).write_bytes(PAYLOAD)
+    (root / MANIFEST_NAME).write_text(json.dumps({"version_name": "0.1.216"}), encoding="utf-8")
+    assert android_release() is None
+
+
+def test_a_sidecar_with_no_apk_beside_it_counts_as_no_client():
+    root = Config.client_root()
+    root.mkdir(parents=True, exist_ok=True)
+    (root / MANIFEST_NAME).write_text(json.dumps({"version_name": "x", "version_code": 1, "size": 1, "sha256": ""}))
+    assert android_release() is None
+
+
+async def test_metadata_endpoint_is_public_so_an_updater_can_ask_cheaply(app):
+    place_client()
+    resp = await app.test_client().get("/api/client/android")
+    assert resp.status_code == 200
+    assert (await resp.get_json())["version_code"] == 216
+
+
+async def test_metadata_404s_rather_than_describing_a_client_that_is_not_there(app):
+    resp = await app.test_client().get("/api/client/android")
+    assert resp.status_code == 404
+
+
+async def test_the_bytes_need_authentication_even_though_the_version_does_not(app):
+    """Anyone who can reach the port may ask what version exists; only an account
+    or a linked device may pull the 55 MiB."""
+    place_client()
+    resp = await app.test_client().get("/api/client/android/download")
+    assert resp.status_code == 401